Therapeutic methods
I have a special interest in working with couples and have completed Levels 1, 2 and 3 of the Gottman Couple Therapy Method, as well as extensive training in sex therapy. These scientifically based methods help couples experiencing a wide range of circumstances that include recovering from infidelity, adjusting to major life changes, waning fondness and admiration within the relationship, and sexual desire discrepancies and other sexuality related concerns.
What to expect
Couples typically enter therapy after several or more years of distress. More often than not, they enter counselling desperate for relief from their deep pain, confusing interactional patterns, and underlying longing for intimacy. I use a structured and scientifically grounded approach to offer the best possible outcomes to the couples I work with.
We start with a conjoint assessment session followed by individual assessment sessions. The therapy process begins after assessment with a clearer idea of the couple’s strengths, as well as areas for growth and change.
Clients occasionally question the detailed assessment, wanting to get into the depths of therapy immediately. This is understandable. However, it is necessary to understand a couple’s interactional patterns, the ways they show love, how they think about and enter into disagreements, their relationship history, and what they want from their relationship before starting therapy.
Individual or Couple Counselling?
People often attend individual therapy in whole or in part because of problems in their intimate partner relationship. In fact, many counsellors support this approach, recommending individual therapy to work through a variety of problems before doing couples therapy. However, this method of working through relationship problems may backfire, as individual therapy for a relationship problem is a predictor of divorce.
When only one side of the story is heard, the absent partner can be implicitly or explicitly blamed for the relationship problems. It is all too common to hear of therapists diagnosing partners with a variety of mental illnesses without speaking directly to that individual. Instead, they have taken one partner’s highly charged account as the whole story. Research indicates that when an individual attends their own therapy for a relationship problem, they have a higher chance of separating from their partner than if the two had attended therapy together.
For these reasons, I like to work with couples together on most problems in the relationship. True empathy and understanding can be built when the couple has a place to slow down, truly hear each other, and learn new ways to dialogue. Therapy should not be associated with the place that you and your partner come to rehash your fights. Nor do I pick sides or help you decide who is right and who is wrong. Rather, I will focus on the space between you to identify and restructure your interactional patterns. At times this process will be uncomfortable. If you have decided that your relationship is worth this effort, I warmly encourage you to reach out.